There's no Turning back...the Beginning is the End.

Amongst all the the different roads that one walks on in their lifetime, there is one road, a nameless and formless one... that a chosen few are called upon...The spiritual road is a one way street - there is only an entry. No exits, No U-turns. Not even a left or a right. The march is always Forward. Even when you feel you have arrived. There is always a step Further.

No one voluntarily chooses this path... you are always forced into it. No warning. No signs. Not even a choice or an idea of Free will. Like a fish to a bait...you are lured into the most enticing trap... almost as if hypnotized under a spell. Its a pleasure you have never known before, a love that feels so absolute. A bond, a trust so strong, you feel you've been graced by the lord. The whole world pales in comparison to this kind of joy. And yet, all the while... little do you know, you walk innocently towards your impending doom. Like sweet suicide.

The final moment of death...actually feels quite surreal. As if you are watching yourself end...in a dream within a dream. I dont remember any pain - only shock at first followed by months of numbness. The reflection in the mirror has gone. And Gone are all your thoughts and preferences. Your empty mind pulls you into a vortex of the "self"...something is beginning to awaken. There is no turning back now. You have entered the spiritual realm. Worldly doors close behind you. And the road ahead is just a haze.

The air of freedom fills your lungs...like a new born taking its first breath. Surrender replaces fear... there is nothing to lose now. The I that lived belongs to the world of the dead and yet there is an I that is alive? Am I reborn or have I finally emerged? Who died and who lives now? Who suffered and who is free? Who loved and what was lost? Past, present, future melt into one. You, your suffering and your freedom are one. The wave has become the ocean again. You are home.

You awakened yourself. There was never an enemy.
You have always been ONE... there was never anything else..other than You.
You were never ignorant... and thus enlightenment can never be achieved.
For how can you search for that which you already are?

There was never a path... never a road..
Never a beginning, never an end...
You traveled from nowhere to now here.
When you awaken ... you realize there was never a dream.
It has always been just You...before and after...
Just... ISNESS... just You.
Its ALL just You.
Soham.
Aham Brahmasmi.
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.

The Real Mantra...

Asatoma sad gamaya
Tamaso mah jyotirgamaya
Mrityorma amrutam gamaya

Translates to...

Lead us from Unreal to Real...
Lead us from Darkness to Light...
Lead us from Death to Immortality.

What is a Miracle?

To Some - Eating and Enjoying their meals is guaranteed.
To others receiving even one meal is a Miracle.

To some - having a nice comfortable home is natural.
To others having a roof, sometimes on a cold rainy day is a Miracle.

To some - wearing beautiful clothes is taken for granted.
To others having a small wrap to uphold their dignity is a Miracle.

So what is a Miracle?
Ask yourselves - Am I Fortunate?
Each One of You today are surrounded by innumerable Miracles,
The Miracle of Life, The Miracle of Being surrounded by God.
All that You have today is a Miracle.

Whatever you are blessed with...
Remember there is someone out there deprived of those same blessings.
Be Grateful! Be Thankful! Be Content!
Be Generous! Be Compassionate! Be Helpful!

Do not complain like a broken record...
Each one of you are blessed...with a special gift of Love.
Find your gift, unwrap it - treasure it.

- Satya Sai Baba.

My Ultimate Search....

I don’t know about the rest of you, but since I was 8 i have been very curious about how the universe worked. I remember always sticking my head out of the car window at night and staring at the moon - and I would go into this zone in my mind where I would wonder what it was like before any of this existence was created - what was it like before God made the moon and earth? What was God doing? Was he bored? Caught up in these thoughts, suddenly I would find myself feeling so vast within. Like as if I was extending into space, and nothing else existed except black nothingness! It felt like I was under a spell. Obviously at 8 years old I didn’t understand any of this. I was just completely mesmerized and fascinated by what I was experiencing. Like getting lost in a magical fantasy world that only I knew off! It was my secret.

As I grew older I got more curious. I had so many questions that didn’t make any sense to begin with. I must have been 10 or 12 years old, when Satya Sai Baba one of the great avatars (God embodied as human) in India was visiting Mumbai. (Known as Bombay back then.) My Mother has been a devoted follower of Sai baba since she was 13 and she has strived to instill the same devotion in her children. So she took me with her to get Sai Baba’s darshan (to see and receive blessings). It was a really hot day and people had gathered in the thousands just to get a glimpse of this man who is a divine powerhouse. His power and grace is undeniable. I was holding my moms hand, hoping not to get lost in the massive crowd - when I suddenly looked up to her and asked her - “Mom, if God made the world, then who made God? Where did God come from?” I can never forget that blank look on her face. She was totally stumped. With a stammer in her voice she tried to answer my questions with very vague answers like - “God is God.” and “Thats a very stupid question.” Her loss of words made my aunt who was there with us break into a hysterical laughter. While my mother was trying to shut me up, my aunt encouraged me, saying that my questions were a good start. And I should keep going at them, and someday I’ll find the answers. She had no children of her own, that day I could feel her love for me and how smitten she was by my innocence.

Brutal as it sounds, and Im sure every adult will agree with me when I say that eventually life strips us from our child like innocence. My first heart break at 16 made me feel like I was electrocuted with pain. It was my first real tangible experience of “suffering.” My reality as I knew it, had dissolved into this swamp of questions. I wanted answers and I wanted them NOW. I started reading ceaselessly. I bought every spiritual self help book that I laid eyes on. Dr Wayne Dyer became one of my favorites. As they say, “the teacher appears when the student is ready.” I found my first guru (enlightened master) - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar - founder of The Art Of Living in India. I immediately signed up for his courses, and I was officially initiated into a meditation designed by a guru. (Even though I have been meditating in my own way since I was 5.) I was so excited and lost in this new world full of “spiritual” people. I was having amazing transcendental experiences. I was happy all the time. Everything around me seemed beautiful. I even started feeling superior to most people. Especially my friends. Because I was “spiritual” and they weren’t. I thought I had found all the answers. Little did I know this was just the beginning. I even shaved off my long black hair - thinking Im some kind of Buddha prodigy. My bald head caused quite the stir in my college. My ego and pride back then was hilarious. Eventually my ego got another hit when I was heartbroken again at 20. This time not only did I shave my head again - but I renounced all together. (Its ridiculous how every time I get my heart broken I either cut my hair very short or shave it off completely. I think most women have this need to do something with their hair when they go through a bad break up!) Anyway - this time I had found new answers under a different Guru - Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. He is the coolest and the most unconventional guru I know of. When he enters a room, it feels like as if a lion has walked in. He has the most penetrating eyes I have ever seen and just the sound of his voice will send shivers up your spine. I definitely felt like he was the “One” - the father of all gurus. He was my ticket to enlightenment - I was convinced. I got initiated into a whole new set of intense meditations and breathing practices. Spending time with him and his other disciples I felt like layers and layers that constituted who I was - were getting peeled off me! It was quite a painful process. There would be nights that I would cry myself to sleep for no apparent reason. And then there would be days that I felt so much joy & excitement that my body was not enough to contain it. I felt like I was falling in love - strangely enough not with a man - but with something inside of me, and around me. Looking at the sky would make me blush. I would hug trees and talk to bugs! Sadguru made me go through a 3 day process that all his followers are allowed to go through just once in their lifetime. Its supposed to change your perception forever. I was excited. But I had no expectation - and I made sure I gave a 100% of myself in those 3 days. What followed cannot be put into words by anyone. Simply because those 3 days take you beyond your mind. And what is beyond the mind cannot be explained or understood. It can only be experienced. Those 3 days took me beyond the boundaries and confinement of my body and my thoughts and what I considered to be little “me”. Suddenly I felt that I had merged into everything that has ever existed. Right from a grain of sand to the biggest mountain. There were moments where I felt that I was pregnant, as if the entire universe was somehow inside of me. Every plant, animal and human being felt like an extension of my body. I didn’t know where my body ended and where “something” else started. For a few moments even the existence of “me as girl” had dissolved. I was everything and nothing at the same time. It seemed like my mind and my personality had gone into a coma like state. My body was caught in what looked like a severe convulsion and I was crying so loud that Im sure it was deafening to the people around me. I felt so humbled and yet vast and eternal at the same time. My face and my t-shirt were soaked in my tears. What I had heard was right - my perception had changed forever. I felt mutated. It was a whole new me that had nothing to do with who I was before the 3 day process. I was in love with everything. Every moment in time had a kind of shine or glitter to it. I had a new sense of appreciation for the world, a new level of empathy and connection with whoever I interacted with. Obviously the intensity of this experience faded with time, but nonetheless I was living with more awareness than ever before. With this new found sense of self I decided to travel for the next few months, just to see what else could there possibly be to experience? I did everything from hiking the grand canyon, to sky diving, & scuba diving to getting my tongue pierced and my body tattooed. I back packed through America for 3 months straight, and I never spent more than 7 days in any place. I had so much energy in me that needed to be expressed in some way. I felt invincible for a while. When I returned to India (because my funds were over), I was pretty much unrecognizable.

Within a few months I found myself caught in the grind of life again. Its amazing how much we are affected by our surroundings and the people around us. Living in India I started feeling claustrophobic. I knew this is not where I want to live my life. I almost felt like there are 2 versions of me that exist simultaneously - one that gets caught in the daily drama, and the second thats just watching all of this daily drama like some kind of a movie, totally detached from any preferences or any outcomes. Eventually I found my way out of India and back to America. I got myself enrolled in a Masters course in a university in Iowa. Call it destiny or sheer luck, but this university happened to be founded and run by an Indian enlightened guru called Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. My 3rd guru. Its strange how are lives get pulled in certain directions. I spent the next 2 years studying at this university which had the most unconventional but strict daily routine for all of its students. No exceptions. We were all required to meditate 2 to 4 hours a day. We were even graded on our meditations. And if you didn’t make the grade then you couldn’t graduate! I had courses that studied the evolution and the different levels of human consciousness. What gets you enlightened and what doesn’t? 9:30 pm was bedtime and I would be up before 6:00 am. Following a pure vegetarian diet and with hours of daily chanting and reading of ancient Indian vedic texts - I finally graduated with a Masters in Vedic Science in 2007. Was I enlightened by the end of it? Definitely not. But I must say that those 2 years were some of the best years of my life. I was surrounded by the most amazing people. People who were all driven by the same intense burning desire to crack the code of enlightenment? What on earth is it all about? Needless to say I made some real close friends. The ones you know you’ll have for life. Everybody I met there had strange stories of their own. This little university in the middle of nowhere in Iowa is like a magnet for like minded people. This place had an energy that would just make things happen effortlessly. Every time I go there things just magically fall in place. All the pieces of the puzzle come together. The years that I was studying there, I was at my healthiest. My body was so fit and strong, I almost had energy that would extend past my body. My mind was always so awake and aware. And obviously I had some pretty cool experiences there too, which probably need a book of their own.

So why am I telling you all of this?

Whether you are actively searching and yearning for enlightenment or not, there is something within all of us that drives us in certain directions. There is something in us that is never satisfied and is always looking for more. We could be lucky enough to find the love of our lives and yet there are times that we feel that nobody can really ever know us and we are all alone. There have been times in my life where I have been paralyzed with the feeling that I don’t know who I am or what I want? Everything seemed pointless, as if there is nothing to be, do or have.

I truly believe that God exists in every atom, every molecule of this existence. In that sense the only true form of God is within each one of us. Our conscience that has a voice and speaks up every time our internal compass points towards something wrong, the peace we feel when we have occasionally managed to quiet our minds, the joy we feel when we have made someone else happy - these are all signs of our divinity within.

I am God, You are God, we are all Gods - and so is every grain of sand, every plant and every animal. But the only strange thing is that we are not consciously aware of it. Maya and our egos have done such a superb job of overshadowing our Godhood that we are blind to our own eternity. Like fools we go searching for what we already have.

But as the great Sai Baba says - do not be distressed - The God within you will not rest until it is awakened completely. It is the God within that triggers your curiosity and makes you wonder "Who is God? Who am I? What is my purpose? What is the meaning of life? It is the God within you that sends you on this ultimate search...

And as you start listening to this inner God voice - the more you get guided in the direction of enlightenment - the more you follow the signs - the more the God within you awakens! Its a paradox - It is God itself that awakens the God in you! And eventually - inevitably - you return home - to your true nature of Godhood. The ego falls away like a snake skin. Have I returned home yet? No - But I know that my compass is pointing where it is supposed to - towards my beloved God... and very soon I will make it. I will be home at last. A happily ever after. I urge all of you to do the same. All you have to do is be honest and sincere to your voice within. You are the God that you have been looking for.

Peace be with all.
Samastha Loka Sukhino Bhavantu.
Om Shanti Shanti Shantihi.

Swami Vivekananda

First believe in the world - then there is meaning behind everything.

Dont look back - look forward, with infinite energy, infinite enthusiasm, infinite daring, and infinite patience - then alone can great deeds be accomplished.

I, for one, thoroughly believe that no power in the universe can withhold from anyone anything they really deserve,

“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.”

“You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.”

“We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far.”

“In one word, this ideal is that you are divine.”

The will is not free - it is a phenomenon bound by cause and effect - but there is something behind the will which is free.”

“That man has reached immortality who is disturbed by nothing material.”

The Making of History!

In the past few months - I have been amazed by the people in this country. The whole process of the elections, the campaigns, the supports, the cheers, the degree of responsibility on the individual level! And it finally paid off - last night November 4th 2008 - marked the beginning of Change.

I was fortunate enough to witness it and be present in Grand Park Chicago - screaming and cheering with the crowd. I have never seen anything like it before. The coming together of an entire city on the streets - the support - the love - the hopes on peoples faces - the connection that every single person made with another - just to express their happiness and validate it - in others as well. I even heard an adorable 4 year old girl scream "Obama" in her mothers arms - it was all surreal.

Just before the results - I texted one of my friends - "Happy Election Day" - in response to that I got a text back that said - "I don't Vote." My mind blanked for a minute. How can you not vote? Are you seriously kidding me?

After the election results - another friend of mine put his status on facebook as - "I dont really Care..." - I thought I was going to faint - in shock! How can you not care? May be if I sent you to live in countries like India, Afghanistan, Iraq or even Pakistan - then you will really know what it means to "Not Care." The only thing that is worse than war and hatred is "indifference."

I am Indian by birth - I was born and raised there. A country that is politically challenged - the people who run the government are the ones who have committed the most heinous crimes possible - they are full of greed, have no education, the don't give a damn about the common average man and they usually get their votes by sheer use of force and pointing a gun at anyone who wont support them!

The reasons are obvious of why I chose to move and live in the United States.

This country amazes me. Every day. I know no country is perfect. We all have our struggles. And yet the United States of America - is way more blessed - way more fortunate than so many other countries. And yesterday was a big example of that.

Although I live here - I cannot vote - because I'm not an American citizen yet.. someday I will be - but not yet. And it pained me that I was left out - I wasn't allowed to vote. But that didn't stop me for supporting my leader in every way that I could. It didn't stop me from praying towards it, for it. I voted in my heart and in my mind.

And when I see Americans who don't vote - who don't care - who don't use their individual power towards change - it just aches me - I wanna tell them give me your vote and I will use it to support the right people. I would like to use my power towards change.

I ask all of those people again - how can you not care? How can you take for granted this country that you live in? How can you not know that a country is what it is and what it can be only through the people who live in it. "You are your country." The whole is only as good as its parts! Wake up - to the responsibility and the power within you as an individual. No man can live in isolation. We are connected in innumerable ways. Whether we know it or not - we impact and influence each other with our thoughts and actions. There is no denying it.

So lets just wake up to it. There is no time to waste. All of us right now have the good fortune to live in this time and age - its the making of history before our very eyes - each and every one of us right now has the responsibility towards creating a better future - a different future. Choosing a great leader is just the beginning. It brings great power - to everyone. How are we going to use our power? What are we going to create? What will we change? As individuals and as a nation what are we going to do now that will change the lives of the coming generations?

Think about it - we owe part of our lives now to the people who lived before us - the lives of the people in our future will be impacted by what we do now. We all stand on somebody's shoulders. There is no denying it.


PS - A few quotes to reflect on :

"Although the connections are not always obvious, personal change is inseparable from social and political change." - Harriet Lerner:

"We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future." - George Bernard Shaw:

"Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small ... Read Moreportion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation." - Robert F. Kennedy

What is The Ego?

We use this word so easily, but do we really know the depths and the extent of it and what it really means? Dr Wayne Dyer - one of my favorite writers, mentors and good friend describes - EGO - as “Edging God Out!” A good definition I would say! Gautam Buddha even after attaining Nirvana said “I am still not Free!” Free of what? The ego and all its layers - accumulated over lifetimes! If the Buddha is not free even after being enlightened - then what can be said about the freedom of you and I?
In eastern philosophy - the Vedic texts in India - describe the Ego as an aspect of “MAYA” - the beautiful Goddess of Illusion -(on the Macrocosmic level.) When a soul takes on a human body, Maya confers upon it the veil of an Ego -(Microcosmic level.) From then on - this veil of the Ego hides our true nature of the Spirit - of pure consciousness - untouched, all knowing, all pervasive consciousness that creates the universe and all the worlds in it - the source of all life and all species. This unfathomable all powerful Spirit that takes on the form of one little individual human being for a little while - (hiding behind the ego) - starts believing in limits and boundaries, in the concept of time, the idea of separation and of opposites. Simply put - from a state of unity to a state of duality. Now even though I’m trying - Its almost completely impossible to describe and fully understand the Ego in words! Just because the symptoms and the layers of the Ego are just so vast - this illusion runs so deep that even the wise awakened ones like the Buddha still feel the remnants of it lurking around somewhere in their beings! So what does that mean for us? What is the way out? Even though you and I are no where near “Buddha-hood” - there are still little things that we can do - take baby steps along the way! That is to say we can identify some of the symptoms of the ego and every time we recognize some of it in ourselves we can make a conscious shift from Ego to Spirit.

• The constant feeling of “I” - me & mine - accompanied by pride - I did this, I own this, I need to do this in order to prove something, my house, my job, my car, my body, my money, my reputation, etc etc. This feeling of “I & Me” also makes stronger the feeling of separation - of Me Vs Them - on some level or the other you are always at war against the people who don’t agree with you. When you recognize this - try to drop it - and see that there is no difference between you and anybody else! You only have separate bodies - other than that we all share the same spirit and the same ego and we are all just waves in the same ONE Ocean!
• Feelings and emotions of embarrassment, anger, jealousy, irritation, frustration etc - all of this really just boils down to one thing - That something didn’t happen “Your Way” - the way you expected or planned! So what? What’s the big deal really? If for just one moment you can put your ego aside and look through the eyes of your spirit - then you will know - that no matter what happens - its ALL Good! Without the limits of the ego - you truly ARE everything that exists - it is always “your” way - you(spirit) is all there is - all things and events exist in you! I know - this is a hard concept to grasp - easier said than done - but we can definitely try and relax into life! No matter what happens we can at least try and be accepting of things without getting fired up each time! Relax! Be happy and grateful about every curve and eventually you’ll be able to see the bigger picture and the rainbow behind it all.
• Fear, Doubt and Unworthiness. In a strange way they are all inter-related. When I was young - my father described FEAR to me as False - Evidence - Appearing - Real! Aka - its an Illusion. And this definition has stuck with me ever since! I love it - it totally dissipates the negative emotional state! Now I think that this same definition of fear can be applied to the feelings of doubt and unworthiness as well. All 3 of these are false beliefs that we accept as real. Its ridiculous! And all of these 3 can have a strong grip on us - only because we lack real understanding of what they are! The feeling of Fear exists usually because we don’t fully comprehend what we are fearful of? We believe that the thing that we fear is going to harm us in some way! I had a fear of heights - and the only way I thought I could move beyond it was to face it head on - and so I went Sky Diving! And I cannot find enough words to describe how much I enjoyed it - it was one of the most liberating, thrilling, out of this world experiences of my life. I would do it again in a heartbeat! Nothing can ever harm you - the only thing that harms you is your fear of something. It limits you from fully expressing yourself and from being open to all possibilities. Doubt - on the other hand is a condition that makes us believe that something is Not possible. The ego looks at everything as “finite” - while the spirit only knows “infinite”. The next time you doubt something - Imagine that you created all of the universe! You are the source of all things. How can anything be impossible for the power that is responsible for all of existence? Think about it. And lastly - Unworthiness - is nothing other than a sub-conscious feeling of lack because you didn’t match up to somebody else’s expectations! Expectations is a whole other subject that needs its own discussion - but for now - lets just try and answer this question - Do you think God is worthy? How would you define the value of God? I know the question in itself sounds insane - thats how insane your feeling of unworthiness is. There is no difference between you and God. Sai Baba - one of the greatest spiritual teachers in India says - “The only distance between You and God - is the distance between You and Yourself.”