Be As You Are.....

The emptiness of Being Empty ....
The fullness of Being Full...
Its just "Being" after all....
Always the beginning and also always the end...
There is no middle in it really....
just the feeling of a passing wave....
how long does a wave last?
a few seconds in time...
and yet nothing in eternity....

If time is a speck in the eternal...
and the past doesnt exist.... neither does the future...
the present is an illusion in itself....
for the sense of time is only in the mind.
Then what do you plan for?
and where are you headed?
You're on the road that leads no where...
and yet its paved with your sweat.

Stop for a moment... stay still for a while...
Who is the you.... thats living your life?
What are your thoughts & where is the thinking?
What is this searching? when its all already inside?

Lost are we all in in the web of layers....
one deeper than the next....
and yet we think we roam freely...
only to be in the prison of the self.

Drop your guns and your tools....
what use is it in a dream?
there is no you while you sleep....
when you awake... there was never a dream.

What do you wish to accomplish today?
Nothing is necessary....
You live like you are here forever...
when you leave its like you're life had never been...

So stop now...and witness the play...
dont you see the magic everywhere?
It blinds you in the day and restores you at night....
None of this is you.... you have always known that in plain sight.

Be as You are... its the only way to be.
Everything you thought of ... will cease to be....

Watch now... the world will pass you by...
while you smile and you laugh....
Wipe the tears of the ones who cry...
Lift up the ones who fall....
It is only you now....
Who has the strength for it all.

You were never lost and so you cannot be found....
You own the nameless name....
In forever you abound.

"Aham Brahmasmi" - I AM Totality.

- ISHA.

What is ISNESS ?????

Yes the Eternal question - What is Isness? Who am I ?

Everybody has a an idea, a belief or a spiritual experience when it comes to knowing and finding God. But finding God - is just the second to last step - like the tearing through the fabric sky of the Truman Show. God does not exist - simply because the human "ego" does not exist. God exists only in context to human beings. No human beings = no God to love, seek or worship.

But Human beings do exist - of course we do - but we all exist in our own Truman show - not knowing that its all fake. Its all a dream. Of course in the show/dream a God exists too. A very loving one. But its not the Ultimate. Eventually.... no matter how amazing the show is ..... everyone starts feeling an itch, a discomfort....a feeling that something is not right.... something is weird, odd.... something is missing.... and so the search begins, for the Ultimate Satisfaction. The seeking and exploring..... of what the hell is going on? Who am I? What does it mean to be spiritual? What is Enlightenment? How do you get there?

This note is not about the "process" of enlightenment but what happens after? Whats behind the final door? What happens once you go through the gateless gate? What happens when Truman tears through the fabricated sky? It is the point where the ego dissolves.... more like the projected hologram withdraws itself - this is Enlightenment - along with the ego dissolves also the idea of "2's" - of duality - human beings and God are one - not 2. The God that you were searching all along was you yourself. There was never a God outside of you that needed worship or seeking. Sai baba - says it beautifully - "The distance between you and God is the distance between you are yourself."

The Love, the Faith, the Hope, the Surrender that you feel for an invisible God - you will eventually feel for yourself, within yourself.... then with everybody else..... then with the Universe at large. There is no authority outside of you. You are your own Guru, your own God that you have been looking for.

So if you and God are one - and both dissolved in Enlightenment - or rather did not exist to begin with then what is the source of everything? ISNESS - ISNESS - ISNESS - JUST ISNESS.

ISNESS is just another name for God - the only difference is that "God" is personal - there is emotion & devotion because God exists in context to human beings and the human ego.

Isness on the other hand is totally Neutral.

If I had to describe Isness from my experience of my present reality - it would be something like this - (note - no amount of description through words or language can describe Isness - and neither can "a mind" comprehend it. But here goes.....)

Imagine Isness - Eternity - extending infinitely in all directions - pure Nothingness. Somewhere in the center ( well there are no boundaries so there is no "center" - but just for the sake of understanding use your imagination.) ..... in the center - is "ALL" of existence - and with that I mean - all the universes - all the galaxies - the number of which cannot even be counted - the observable universe alone may contain a 100 billion galaxies, all the milky ways - in our own galaxy the sun is just one of 100 billion stars. Everything - Everything that "Exists" is just a tiny speck within "ISNESS." Phew and thats not it......

"ALL" of existence that is within this Infinite Neutral Isness - is like a giant Ocean - and everything that is existing within this existence - be it a universe, a sun, planet earth, you, your neighbor, your dog, the tree on the curb, that terrorist you hate - everything is just a wave in the ocean of existence. Nothing is really solid or has an identity of its own. Ever watched an Ocean? How long do the waves last? What is the nature of each wave? The wave arises from the ocean - holds an identity as "a wave" for a few seconds - still being an extension of the ocean the entire time and then merges back into the ocean. A full circle.

That's what is going on. Everything that exists - just flows like waves.
The "human experience" is that of a wave arising - but forgetting that it is an extension of the ocean..... and thus the search for the ocean... and when it merges back - "the ego or the identity" that once existed - dissolves back into nothingness - ISNESS. When the ego is gone what remains? The True Self remains which = No Self which = ISNESS. Always has been, IS & always will be. Eternity.

Even all of existence that looks so solid within Isness - is just a concept, an idea that is projected by Isness itself. Like a hologram. You, our planet and everything that exists - is appearing and disappearing 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,

000 times in less than a second..... we are all popping in and out of existence so fast that it all looks solid. Just like if you saw a moving fan - it looks like a sphere moving like a Frisbee...but the minute you turn the fan off - you realize its not a round disk - but in fact 3 separate blades that were moving so fast.

So what is the meaning of life? Nothing. What is the purpose of life? Nothing.
As long as you are experiencing yourself as a separate wave - of course there is meaning & purpose in the relative context. And the meaning is whatever you want it to be. Its all about you. You really are the center of the universe and everything revolves around you.

But when you experience yourself as the ocean again - or better still - when you experience yourself as "ISNESS" again - then what meaning or purpose remains? There is not a feeling of "I" anymore - just the feeling of nothingness which = ISNESS which = everything (and Nothing.)

This was my experience of enlightenment - I was in India - and late at night - my eyes were suddenly glued shut for what what I can only imagine must have been 5 hours or so.... and within that time - "Radhika and the "I" feeling was gone and instead "I" was ISNESS - and all of existence and creation was within me like the ocean and the waves in it. The feeling was very neutral. Absolute nothingness. In those 5 hours everything there is to be known was known to me. I was asking all the questions & I was myself answering them to myself.

And then I collapsed - unconscious - deep sleep - when I awoke the next morning - EVERYTHING was different - Radhika existed no more - Isha was uncovered. Of course no one jumps to realizing ISNESS right away & neither did I - enlightenment looks and seems like a process - you do first grow & evolve more and more spiritually - start aligning more with the spirit - then there is a definite experience of "unconditional love - Godhood - a very personal feeling - an experience of "Oneness" with everyone & all beings - and finally its the Experience of ISNESS - I AMNESS - Neutral. Everything dissolves. The world is not broken and so there is nothing to fix. Everything is Perfection. There is neither Creation, nor Destruction, Neither Free Will, nor Destiny, Neither Path, nor Achievement.
It ALL Just IS.

My friends still ask me why? why all this? Why do we all exist?
And all there is to say is this - for those who get a little emotional about it - "God separated himself from himself - so that he can Love himself."

Everything just IS.

ISNESS - GOD - is just going through a full circle. Like a wave in its own being.

ENJOY ;-)

From Radhika to Isha.....

Isha means Isness - the primordial formless energy that is the source of all creation.

This piece of writing and the one before this- clearly shows that there is a new person here now. Or rather an “unperson", a nonperson. I know that's not even a word. But what do you call someone who has none of the human traits and needs? Enlightened? Hardly. Enlightenment implies that there is an ego & ignorance that exists which needs to be dissolved or destroyed through the process of enlightenment. To the unenlightened - this looks like a long journey - a huge goal - a ton of seeking & searching & exploring. To the Enlightened - there never was a journey, never a goal. Who did all the seeking & searching? The ego doesn't exist, and neither does your mind. So who was Ignorant and who got Enlightened? Who realizes What? As my good friend Joe Sarti said to me - “The Enlightened One realizes there is NO Enlightenment and that's the Enlightenment.” The Ultimate paradox. Enlightenment does not Exist. There is Nothing to Realize.
The following is my process from Radhika To Isha.... that started In Chicago - but ended in India....

They say that heartbreak or loss of love is the ultimate form of human suffering. Some recover from it and learn to move on and for some (like me ) its the “last human experience.” For me my ultimate suffering turned into my biggest blessing - an excuse if you will to turn my caterpillar into a butterfly. It sounds cool buts its not all fancy.... the transition is anything but pleasant. To pass through the "gateless gate" is the most agonizing, painful, heart wrenching process one will ever go through. Its pure madness. Total insanity. Your mind has turned in on itself. You are at war with yourself - how do you beat that? You cannot win - and neither do you loose. Your thoughts, your mind is not you. The "you" that you think of & know of as you is not the real you. The one that is fighting the war is not the one that emerges victorious, it is not the one that passes through the final gate. Everything that consists & comprises of “you” dies - yes it is the final suicide - and what remains "IS" what always has been. The hologram, the illusion has ended - and the source of it all remains. Pure ISNESS.

After my heartbreak - there wasn't the usual “human pattern” of loss & gain, of mourning & moving on that I was expecting. There was no mourning or no feeling of loss of “him”, a “relationship”, a “love” - instead there was something in me that was screaming ENOUGH - there was something in me which for some reason was not affected at all by the biggest heartbreak tragedy of my life. In fact after the incident - I almost had instant amnesia - I could remember nothing of my loss or my suffering.... total numbness. No thinking, no tears. A total zombie like state & yet I was aware that something in me has stayed constant all through life just like a witness. Its like I had woken up from a dream.

Even through my numbness there was intense pain - which I knew had no cause. Which is odd because all human experience of joy or pain is “due” to something. All human experience is based on “cause and effect.” My pain seemed to be emerging out of nowhere. It just “was”. Literally infinite amounts of pain, with the intensity of earthquakes & tornado's just emerging from within me. Months of complete insomnia. The loss, the pain, the agony, the tears that I was experiencing was for the Death of “Me”. Everything that I identified and associated as “Me” was dying - dreams, ambition, sense of care, sense of exploring, seeking, doing, hope, my sexuality.... my identification as a “woman” & consequentially my search for a man & love - All Gone. Everything dissolves. Vanishes.There was a definite end of “hope” - there was no more searching of anything. Who was there to hope for? And what do you hope for? Nothing exists. There was nothing to Be, Do, or Have. Nothing felt “new” anymore - even if it appeared to be. A feeling like everything has ended - and “THIS IS IT” - I lost my ability to think about “a future.” In fact my “thinking process” in itself was gone. The “thinker” had died. No matter how much I tried - there was nothing - further - nothing to look forward to other than more nothingness.

I was beginning to experience myself as 2 - a me that is just constant and still - thinking nothing - wanting nothing - just witnessing. Then there was a hologram of me - a not real me - that was acting and communicating in the world - pretending and appearing to be normal like everyone else. This hologram eventually faded away. And now there is just One that remains.

When anyone asks me about finding a mate again - or falling in love - the feeling in me as a response to that is indescribable - a feeling... a knowing that I am on the highest mountain top in the world - I can see everything - really really see - EVERYTHING - the view is spectacular and breathtaking..... a sense of being complete - everything i have ever wanted, desired, or hoped for is here ... in me. I AM it. All of it. A perfection. An absolution. Finding a mate would be like walking down this mountain and returning to the shallow valleys! NO WAY - nothing in the world is worth giving up this view from up here! No prize, no jewel compares to this! But more importantly - after enlightenment, identification with woman - man goes away. Dissolves. You are not your sexuality. The idea of man, woman doesn't really exist - its just another very deep layer of the workings of the ego. When I move about in public...my experience of myself is that of being "invisible" to all people. My experience of myself is nothingness.

Celibacy, loss of desire, detachment from all outcome, loss of preferences, the loss of that constant voice in your head,- are all natural outcomes or by products of enlightenment.
Enlightenment is the Gain of Nothing. Pure nothingness.
The finding of your "true self" is a "No-Self." All that Is is just Isness.
Enlightenment isnt the gain or realization of anything new - its the unveiling of what always has been. Of what IS.

Everything in the world that was once soooooo appealing to me - so important... it has all lost its charm .... they all look like scraps to me - like waste in the bin. Pointless, meaningless. All the world pales in comparison to this inner state of Being.... of Isness.
Time looses its reality. All that is - is in this moment.

Even human beings loose their appeal - before I would get excited to know someone new - sometimes feel intimidated by great personalities - all that is gone. Now I have no "need" or desire to "get to know" someone - its like you see one - you’ve seen them all. Know one - and you know them all. Like leaves on a tree. There is nothing to really know about a person. No one is even there - everybody is empty. The only thing that is there is the ego - the same in everyone - just in different proportions and colors. Thoughts, opinions, beliefs dont matter. They dont even exist. Everything is false - everything belongs to the ego - Everything! Everything that a human does from birth to death - every thought he thinks, all the activities he engages in, its All just to fuel the ego and keep it going - all effort only to uphold this hologram of an ego!

What I now see in people is their pure Isness - their Pure Being veiled behind their egos. There is an instant love for whomsoever I see or interact with - the Isness in them is an extension of my own being. Its all me wherever I go.

All fear, all care, all searching and wanting in me is replaced by “a presence” - so vast, so deep - in all directions. Every time I go out for a run - I feel all of existence talking to me - every breeze feels like a giant hug.... every tree I lay eyes on acknowledges my presence. Every blade of grass, even the solid pavement feels like family... so much love from everywhere - how did I not see this before? How was I so blind? and where did the “me” go? its like the “me” that used to be just vanished - evaporated in thin air almost as if it was never there to begin with.

Radhika died and Isha was born.... actually Radhika died and "uncovered" the Isha that was always there.